Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Pain Pain, Go Away.

Please DONT come again another day.

I've been experiencing a lot more discomfort lately in my neck/back. I know my lower back is due to my Spondylolisthesis. I am not sure why I always have such stiffness in my neck.

I reallllly need to get in to a specialist again, and get new MRI's, and everything else done.

You see, as a teenager/young adult, I went to Nemours Orthopedic Center in Orlando for YEARS, from age 15-21 (when they would no longer see me). During this time, I'd have to go to my specialist every 6m to a year to have my slippage measured. During that time, it didn't change a lot (THANK GOD) at one point my specialist said remarkably it looked as if it had gotten better. But, he said that was impossible (he must not believe in miracles, they happen every day) he said it was most likely a different able of x-ray. I loved this doctor. He was so kind, caring, and thorough. He always explained things to me in a way that I actually understood. When I turned 21, he had to refer me to adult specialists, as 21 is their age limit in pediatrics.

I am ashamed to say that though he gave me the names of three personal recommendations, I did not follow up as I should. I went four years before I saw a specialist again. I did not like him at all. I went with my boyfriend (husband now) and neither of us liked the new dr. He was not thorough at all, nor kind. All he kept saying was "and what's REALLY scary about your back is..." and my husband did NOT like that at all. He left so angry. I wasn't that shocked, as I've known my back was super messed up, but that was my husbands first experience, and he had no clue how serious the condition actually is.

Well, that appointment was two years ago. And I haven't been back to him, nor have I seen another specialist. For all I know my slippage could have drastically changed. I know I really need to find another specialist to try, or at least make a follow up with the doctor I am not crazy about. Something.

Here lately it seems every other week, if not weekly, I have pulled something, or weakened something(today it is my left shoulder blade area, hurts to turn my head to the left or tilt my head to the right). Sure, I go to the chiropractor once a week, but even that doesn't make me 100%. I have to find another specialist and get updated MRI's and X-rays. No if's ands or but's.

Anyways, I try not to let myself get down and out about the pain I experience as I know there are people every where suffering way more than me (speaking of, I was recently humbled about my pain situation and will write more about that soon). While I often wonder what it would be like to live pain and stiffness, or any of my other ailments such as allergies, asthma, and migraine free, I know that God created me as I am for a reason. I may not fully understand that reason yet, but he knows, and one day I will to. :)

"The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles" - Psalm 34:17

"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." - Psalm 61:1-2

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience." - Romans 5:3

"And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

The thing with pain and suffering is that much good can come from it. It can:
- help us learn important lessons in life.
- bring out creativity and courage.
- help us comfort others who are in similar pain.
- shape our characters and show what we are made of.
- help us trust in God more, and lead to repentance and salvation.
- be an inspiration to others.
and most importantly:
- result in the advancement of the gospel in the life of another person

So, though I am in pain today, and often wonder about the future (can I carry a child full term, will I become disabled early in life) I am going to be thankful for all the things I am still able to do. I am in pain, but I can get up and move, I can enjoy the day, I can take my furbabies for a walk, I can go swimming, I can attend church services, I can ride a bike, I can go shopping, I can cook a meal(or brownies), I can go dancing in the rain (if it would stinkin' rain here!), I can take a drive, there are so many "I can's" that I need to focus on them and not the "I can'ts".


Note: please be sure to check out my pet blog 4Paws4Love as I posted some survival stories from the recent tornadoes. 

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